Connection doesn’t come from having sex. Seeing a whole person doesn’t come from seeing their genitals. It comes from seeing them come alive. The animalistic nature will never bring us connection but the sensual nature will bring us connection to ourselves and others (therefore belonging). Just seeing a human naked is a quick fix, you miss all the magic that fills your senses to feel the experience in your mind too. if you don’t have sensuality attached you lose so much magic in life and intimacy it just becomes a human need, sexuality. However, seeing a person turned on and alive by life and their own knowledge of themselves is where life changes. Where we all feel each other and build a connection,, where life comes alive in sexuality and in every day life. Where that first touch becomes fire, where another persons scent ravishes your mind, where your imagination allows you to feel pleasures that have never existed and where your energy for all things great and small becomes alive again from work, to eating breakfast to feeling your body wake up. That sunset becomes awe awesome. That intimate conversation becomes healing and vulnerable and releases shame, That sexual intimacy becomes about discovery and play rather than a quick fix of lust and lives in your mind forever and can at any moment be relieved without one touch or seeing anything but what is in your mind.
Good sexuality, life and relationships and happy humans does not start with having good sex or seeing one naked, as good sex and the pleasure of the human body visual turn on (long term) cannot happen if you do not know your own body and love your own body.
Much of our trauma, our addictions, our challenges and our disconnection stem from not knowing our bodies, shaming our bodies and also feeling inadequate about our genitals and sex. To change our culture we must be able to talk about more than can I see a naked picture, you are porn, this is wrong and this right. We are all made through sex, therefore sex is our creation so why have we disassociate from it shaming ourselves and others and hiding behind these walls judgements, labels, stigmas, untruths and culture barriers.
A good life it comes from us as humans understanding our body and how our body comes alive. Sexuality is apart of that and it comes from us asking each other also what we need and saying what we dont and respecting each others boundaries. Most of us come alive at the start of our relationships and lust because our senses are on but once it becomes norm the mundane life and challenges come back. To have a sustainable healthy life we must know ourselves and speak for ourselves, nobody can read our mind. Sexuality today is shamed often for women but men too, to see their beauty and to express their beauty and own it is when another hates because they feel inferior seeing someone love themselves it triggers them it shakes their truths they were taught. Enlightment is the process of breaking down truths over and over again, unraveling the layers of life, it never stops. What we thought was truth when we were 10 is very different to a teenager and young adult etc. Currently sexually the body, it is always attached to some time of shame and in turn blockages and fear which leads us to project and hurt others.
If we want women to feel less shamed and see the art and them and other humans to own being a goddess or god and to have good partnerships from each other, we must let each other express their sensuality and discover themselves unapologetically not by a look like porn or a demand, but by the way that makes them feel sexy. It could be movement such as running or yoga. It could be dancing. It could be cooking.
Sexuality comes with senuality and coexist. However without allowing sensuality to speak through learning what makes us alive in life and intimately we cannot feel life and we cannot create an orgasmic life. If women and men are too scared to own their beauty because of shame of their beliefs and society the world of sexuality will always be lost to half hearted experiences, disconnection, shame and porn.
Sex, or at least good sex, requires us to talk about it. You can have all the mechanics down, but if you can’t communicate your desire—if you can’t be vulnerable, release shame—the chances of your fulfilling your wildest desires are slim to none. This is what we hear again and again when we talk to sex therapists: Our inability to talk about sex, the body and our needs in both our daily lives and with our partners, is what holds us back from pleasure.