Me Depression the Light and Social Media

Im not here to be put on a pedestal. I’m not perfect in any way or some social media person just cause of a number. This number 60,000 plus followers isn’t about me, it’s about a community of souls; open hearts uniting….You all!
I am a pretty imperfect human in all honesty, just trying to be real, connect and help others through being vulnerable, crazy, silly, my truthful and speaking of my own experiences in hope they help another. If I think of me I think I am really just a messy imperfect human doing her best, a mom trying to be a good human that is grateful for this beautiful online community and life. More often then not im the girl whose fallen off the pedestal sitting on the ground underneath everyone else laughing at my own chaos, saying something inappropriate and turning red as a tomato. … But let’s get real for just a moment….
One area of life I failed at and am glad i did was when Laine was two I tried to commit suicide. I felt like a terrible human, nobody loved me, a failure as a mother, a woman, always upsetting people and thought I’d be better off gone…..these thoughts we don’t say out loud often but they cause much chaos in the outside world that look like depression, anger, sadness, emptiness, unemployment, relationship and friendship breakdowns, death, misunderstandings, fear that are often turned a blind eye to as failure it’ll pass…..Before I could see my light again after my failed suicide attempt I had to deal with darkness like these thoughts asking: Am I observing the situation accurately or am I projecting how I feel onto what is happening?
This darkness called Depression said to me: I am broken from the inside. Depression slowly chips at you away, finally devouring you… Troubling thoughts flood our head. For some they never get the chance to learn how to change dull pain into pure joy….Honestly we all look up at the stars and we don’t know which ones are still alive. Their light just hasn’t faded yet. People are like that as well. I was that once too. We don’t know which ones are already dead on the inside. So please connect to those you love you could save a life and don’t have the attitude of she’ll be right it’ll pass.

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