As I sit here on my bed in Europe. Thinking of my Island home and where my life started just me in my essence & my first breath Tasmanian air. I guess the one thing I hope my message brings as you read my words and see me here is this… In all honesty, I think there is no specific formula/way to make ones life change for the better and the world doesn’t change for us. We change. The messiness, the hurt, the ache of life never leaves. I believe in the art of suffering well that’s what I call life, we get stronger, wiser, more compassionate and loving in our actions and thoughts. I think what happens is you just get better at not letting the dark in and the chaos control you. We may not be able to control the people that judge us, the people that love us, life’s circumstances but we can control ourselves. We choose to fight for light instead of darkness, love instead of fear, compassion instead of judgment, observation instead of projection. We learn we can control how we move forward, the way we choose to believe that we are worthy of love and what we put in the world. We can choose to see love is enough and what we were given is enough. We can control how we grow from things. We can control how we suffer.
As my book is about to be in stores tomorrow this is my ultimate wish for you and this is what I want you to know: You are not alone. You are of such inestimable value. Whatever difficulties, obstacles or seemingly insurmountable challenges are overwhelming your life force, they are not permanent, the only constant in life is change, there is a way around, and I hope my works and book will help you by connecting you to the divinity, awesomeness, talents and love that has always been inside of you instead of the fear and chaos that this culture and life bestows upon each of us.
Some people say….Once you learn to be happy, you won’t tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less. I believe our job is to get off our self righteous butts and start reaching out to all people including the difficult people because our world isn’t about a bunch of nice people getting together once a week to sing and cook and get a feel good message. It is about caring for and helping the broken hearted, the difficult, the hurt, the misunderstood, the repulsive, the wicked and the liars. As well as the loved, the ones and those doing well and those that are full of kindness. It’s about caring for humanity. It is about turning the other cheek when someone hurts you. Because we have or been the villain and the victim, It is about loving one another and making amends. It is allowing people chances and to be different even if we fear or don’t understand or wouldn’t do it that way, because life is tough and we have to remember we are all struggling and make mistakes. It’s about finding gratitude even in the midst of chaos. When you see this about life then you will know me and you will know true happiness and peace not because we are perfect but because we are humans doing our best with love. You will see social media is not just a number or people aren’t what they do or wear, or a look, or just yoga or a mom we are all so much more, it is so much more.
Australia is my home and the devastation is heartbreaking.💔
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As I leave Tasmania today & my family my heart is full & slightly challenged as all things in life we take the good with the bad. Happy because it happened but sad to say see you soon. I learn more & more each day our ability to be turned on and happy in life and our existence and others is all about us. It is about our connection to our spirit and our unique awesomeness. We are often taught to keep our turn ons to life and others on the download as if standing in our uniqueness was meant to be a disadvantage and a disappointment. But when we do what society asks to keep it on the download we lose our light. Each of us has had some kind of rupture—be it incest, rape, verbal abuse, being ignored, what have you. What happens as a consequence is that we get angry, & we turn off our radiance. We go wandering the earth, unwilling to light the world up with our life-giving turn-on. We—and the entire world—suffer the consequences. We then do the only thing we know how to do: we make the unconscious choice to cut ourselves off from our own radiance. Repressed radiance turns into anger. Because we don’t have an external outlet where we can express it, we turn that anger toward ourselves and others —where it settles in as depression, judgement and sadness. What I have found is what makes many of us angry is? When this choice is pointed out to us. When we are invited to release the anger and reclaim our radiance we do not like this. We get furious at the thought of reigniting the gift of our turn-on, because we have often taken sides against it. We were hurt so young and had to turn ourself off to stay protected. Now we are infuriated at the very thought of a different choice. We can make ourselves happy, we can get fit, we can be the love we need. We often long for the thing that feels culturally & historically comfortable, even when that thing is self-defilement and self-abuse like the untruths and stigmas. However what we aren’t told in life is that cutting off from our radiance is an inside job at some point we choose it too. We humans are the ones who cut ourselves off, and it is only in the company of other like minded souls that we can reclaim what was once ours
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As I come to the closure of 2019 and my book about to be launched in a few weeks in a land I call home, in a place where my story begins. I reflect upon my story and the one many of you will soon read. The story called my life. I share my story of trauma and abuse with you not because it’s unique. In fact, it’s painfully common. Everywhere I turn, I hear of traumas, violence and abuse taking place across the globe. As you look around your life, you too will find stories of abuse—your own and those of others you know. So much so that for every person that judged our journey there was a story of trauma hidden but it came out as fear instead of love upon us. Perhaps you never registered these as abuse because they were so conventional. In many cases the pain will be ignored, leaving darkness for the bearer of the experience to pay, as I did. I realise now more than ever…. Happy people choose happiness. Happy people know the only way to happiness is to be happy. They know if you want to stop hate, stop hating. They do what will facilitate happiness and love. If they are struggling with things they choose to find help, meditate, or whatever they need to get through it. Trust me a few years ago my attempt on life gave me two options to either suffer in darkness lose my life and damage others or facilitate what will bring light. I chose to help myself, to be brave and accept that some things cant change external to me but I can and work with what I can and still am a working on this every day. To know happiness is an acknowledgement of all emotion. Most happy people started their journey broken whether self destructed or unfortunate bestowed events. Happy people know suffering just like anyone else but they also learn to see the beauty their lives because they have seen the depths.
As I come to the closure of 2019 and my book about to be launched in a few weeks in a land I call home, in a place where my story begins. I reflect upon my story and the one many of you will soon read. The story called my life. I share my story of trauma and abuse with you not because it’s unique. In fact, it’s painfully common. Everywhere I turn, I hear of traumas, violence and abuse taking place across the globe. As you look around your life, you too will find stories of abuse—your own and those of others you know. So much so that for every person that judged our journey there was a story of trauma hidden but it came out as fear instead of love upon us. Perhaps you never registered these as abuse because they were so conventional. In many cases the pain will be ignored, leaving darkness for the bearer of the experience to pay, as I did.
I realise now more than ever….
Happy people choose happiness. Happy people know the only way to happiness is to be happy. They know if you want to stop hate, stop hating. They do what will facilitate happiness and love. If they are struggling with things they choose to find help, meditate, or whatever they need to get through it. Trust me a few years ago my attempt on life gave me two options to either suffer in darkness lose my life and damage others or facilitate what will bring light. I chose to help myself, to be brave and accept that some things cant change external to me but I can and work with what I can and still am a working on this every day. To know happiness is an acknowledgement of all emotion. Most happy people started their journey broken whether self destructed or unfortunate bestowed events. Happy people know suffering just like anyone else but they also learn to see the beauty their lives because they have seen the depths.
Yesterday I met incredible @tas_models_co we randomly did a shoot a 5am on seven mile beach a place @eleanorsfight and I played swam as kids. The shoot was my fav style rolling in the sand no edits. I remember in my @blissology teacher training in Bali I often ate sand in my spare time as I did yoga at the sea connecting to me. It’s my place to just move with the earth and water and let go of all the masks that I feel life wants me to wear.
As my book is about to be launched Jan 14 and I’m back home where my life began I want to share a bit for pre order https://www.amazon.com extract from my book…. I first started blogging when I had postnatal depression, both because I felt a need to express myself and I didn’t want anyone else to feel lonely and unhappy as I did. My hope was that when people would see other people, like myself, baring their all with such honesty and vulnerability, that it might make it easier for them to reach out for help and support too. But sharing ourselves and our stories can be hard. It feels uncomfortable and extremely vulnerable to lay bare our innermost selves in public way as we are programmed to worry about what others may think and whether or not they will still love and accept us once they know what we perceive to be our vulnerabilities and weaknesses. “Will they still think I’m smart? Beautiful? Funny? A good person? A good mum? “ (and the list goes on.) The potential reward however is that by offering support and drawing on support of others, so we can harness the collective energy of our peers to help us feel less alone and therefore less vulnerable because let’s face it it can be rough out there at times and we are all in this together.
We lose the wonder because we are challenged by our lives. We get cut open, gutted like fish and left to resurrect ourselves along this journey of life or we sit in nothingness. What inspires me to believe in humanity and what keeps me in love with people is that I choose the later. All things are rooted in suffering. You look at my photos and videos you see smiles or love or something else but do you know where that light and love came from? It came from the physical abuse, it came from the mental abuse, it came from losing a baby, it came from the rape, it came from the judgement of others, it came from getting lost, it came from my struggles that still exist even to today. Suffering yields the miraculous. So be here. Be part of what you’re sewn into. Bloom and blossom where you are planted. Be aware of the awesomeness that you are and realise that without you, the seaming of this mysteriously interconnected world would cease to exist as it is. Hope is never gone, it is just ignored or lost in the chaos of life.
As I am about to embark on a 3 year journey to head home to Australia on Saturday. I want to thank you all. It would not have been possible without you all. if you want to know if you make a difference and social media is real life, well here is the proof. Without you all my book would not have happened you inspired the publishers to read my voice, my flight I would be still saving for to go to Australia after three years of not being home, my yoga teacher training with @blissology would never had happened thanks to his incredible awsesomenss.
So remember not to ignore the hope it is all around everywhere you look. Dont let it get lost in the negativity or chaos. A special thanks to @yogicbynature @amyweckermd and @supermomtraci for reminding me of my worth when I forget it.
When a woman is in a state of rapture she is standing in her power. Not for anyone but to feel her full range of her emotions and to stop teetering in the nasty neighborhood of diminishment and self doubt. She feels like she can fly which, is not usual in this denoting system of this society/culture. The only thing that offers a women or any human full pleasure in their life experience is self love/acceptance with rapture in their body. Our bodies are built for pleasure with 8000 nerve endings to taste, touch, feel, see and hear. Our bodies are capable of feeling ecstasy and not just attached to sex; as society would have us think. Eight thousand nerve endings teach us all freedom, self reliance, and help us to find our higher purpose. They show us joy and sadness and everything in between. When we ignore our ability to feel and our pleasure or only think of it as sex, we become blocked, we hurt others and we enslave ourselves in daily life, like work, kids, driving, cook, fitness, relationships, chores, bills etc without feeling any joy. Many of us are spending our life in a perpetual state of frustration, depression, anger, shame, judgment, blame, ego non healing state and resentment. We need to learn to reconnect with ourselves through the tools of life like senses and arts of life so we can allow ourselves to reconnect with our joy and pleasure on a daily basis in everything we do.
I am a mother, a woman, a human just like you all. Many of you see me & others and label. For the women who judge each other. I am sorry for the pain you have received & that it makes you hurt others for the fear of the things you do not understand & judge. I hope that you find the love you are looking for & deserve. I hope you know that I feel your pain as you make me feel it, with your judgement, but I hold space for you & only love you harder. For all the men that make sex from everything they see. I hope you also find the love you are looking for too & see that women are not just objects to satisfy your needs. Our sensuality & bodies are a place of life & worship that created you/ your children. I hope you know sex, sensuality & lust it is human but not the way we treat women here on social media. To everyone: so many of us are taught to keep a lid on anything & everything outrageous. To turn off what makes us come alive. Well that led me to my attempt on life. My journey now is about living wholly in my faults, challenges & beauty. I am no longer turning off my life force. This isn’t about you. This is about living fully for my daughter so she sees she can. I am no longer turning off my feeling, my sensuality, my individuality as that turns out my lights. Everyone is perfect yet none of us feel that way because of our culture teaches us to hate, criticise others & ourselves. I no longer wish to be part of that. There is no human alive today who was not created & held inside the living altar of a woman. The feminine is part of us, our deepest intuition, sense of community, connection, vulnerability & sense of spiritual morality and consciousness, it is what is life. Lets drop the dogmas/untruth & the transfer of pain to others with judgment/shame. Lets stop taking the wind out of each others sails, we need focus on fighting the self hatred that comes from living in a cultures that devalues us. I have never considered myself beautiful but I am deciding to change that for my daughter so I don’t hurt others, I hope you do too, if not for you for our future generations. I hope you all see you are the love you are looking for and the change.
My experience of sacred clowns
When I put photos of myself out there, I can’t tell you the number of people who are quick to judge. I have also had my photos misappropriated and used by others for their own purposes, which breaks my heart.
In Europe, I can go into a sauna naked with strangers, and we’ll sit and have a conversation like people in any other normal situation. Yet if I post a swimsuit or an underwear photo on social media, suddenly I’m a bad mother, a porn star, a woman of little value and an individual underserving of respect. In the same way, I can be on the beach in a bikini, yet if I wear a short skirt in the street, I’ll be questioned about whether I’m setting a good example as a mother. Less clothing isn’t a crime on the beach and it shouldn’t be on social media, nor does it make anyone suddenly a bad person.
It hurts every time someone puts a label on me when they don’t even know me. How is it that humans can hate so much?
I’ll tell you why: it’s because we all live in fear of what’s different or unfamiliar.
Let’s not project our fears onto others
Why is it that when someone reveals their body, we get defensive or feel the need to criticize them? When someone does something we don’t agree with, why does it hit such a nerve? Why do we sometimes act in ways that are detrimental to our goals and relationships?
The answer to these questions is because deep down these things resonate with an issue that we have about ourselves. You see, nothing external has the ability to challenge or hurt us unless we feel unstable internally.
So let’s stop asking what’s wrong with life and other people, and start asking what we need to change so that these external factors no longer challenge us or have the power to make us act out of fear and hatred. How can you take responsibility for yourself and your life, so that you act from a place of love and acceptance?
Extract from my book coming out Jan 2020 pre order HERE