Just because I carry it well, does not mean it isn’t heavy…. I read this quote and it really hit home. After sharing my story in my book Brave Beautiful and Baring it All (link in bio to purchase) My story that includes rape, physical abuse, losing a child, post and prenatal depression made many people start to look at me different. They didn’t just see a girl smiling they saw a glimpse into the weight she is also holding or the hard knocks she endured. They said I didn’t realise you went through that and I am sorry I didn’t respect you, sorry I said that to you….Many of our stories are so deep in shame many of us will never be able to retell them. I know it took me years too and I am still working on some parts. Please remember everyone is carrying a heavy load. Some of us much heavier than we will ever know but that is life. Life isn’t always smiles or sunshine as we see on others. Behind all that it truly is hard and difficult and we all get delivered traumas we didn’t ask for. Everyone carries, sadness, pain and so much more inside. That is why we need to be more gentle, respectful and compassionate to each other….if we know the trauma or not it still exists and people still deserve compassion and love. We must be less judgmental, we cannot judge a book by its cover nor a human by their smile or outside mask. I am too guilty of dismissing others to find out later they battled something and I regretted it immensely. We all need to be better people. This world is full of hard knocks and heavy loads. However what I have learn as I keep healing is they are not a waste of time they teach us something and they remind us of faith. We often think we are missing out on our good life as we struggle but I also realised, we are not missing out on our destiny, we are actually becoming it by transforming through it. The hard times will go as will the good times. Lets show some grace and kindness as we walk side by side, lets spread love and compassion and keep faith for better tomorrows. Namaste
Photo @schamanphotodesign @thejackphotoworld book HERE
Connection doesn’t come from having sex. Seeing a whole person doesn’t come from seeing their genitals. It comes from seeing them come alive. The animalistic nature will never bring us connection but the sensual nature will bring us connection to ourselves and others (therefore belonging). Just seeing a human naked is a quick fix, you miss all the magic that fills your senses to feel the experience in your mind too. if you don’t have sensuality attached you lose so much magic in life and intimacy it just becomes a human need, sexuality. However, seeing a person turned on and alive by life and their own knowledge of themselves is where life changes. Where we all feel each other and build a connection,, where life comes alive in sexuality and in every day life. Where that first touch becomes fire, where another persons scent ravishes your mind, where your imagination allows you to feel pleasures that have never existed and where your energy for all things great and small becomes alive again from work, to eating breakfast to feeling your body wake up. That sunset becomes awe awesome. That intimate conversation becomes healing and vulnerable and releases shame, That sexual intimacy becomes about discovery and play rather than a quick fix of lust and lives in your mind forever and can at any moment be relieved without one touch or seeing anything but what is in your mind.
Good sexuality, life and relationships and happy humans does not start with having good sex or seeing one naked, as good sex and the pleasure of the human body visual turn on (long term) cannot happen if you do not know your own body and love your own body.
Much of our trauma, our addictions, our challenges and our disconnection stem from not knowing our bodies, shaming our bodies and also feeling inadequate about our genitals and sex. To change our culture we must be able to talk about more than can I see a naked picture, you are porn, this is wrong and this right. We are all made through sex, therefore sex is our creation so why have we disassociate from it shaming ourselves and others and hiding behind these walls judgements, labels, stigmas, untruths and culture barriers.
A good life it comes from us as humans understanding our body and how our body comes alive. Sexuality is apart of that and it comes from us asking each other also what we need and saying what we dont and respecting each others boundaries. Most of us come alive at the start of our relationships and lust because our senses are on but once it becomes norm the mundane life and challenges come back. To have a sustainable healthy life we must know ourselves and speak for ourselves, nobody can read our mind. Sexuality today is shamed often for women but men too, to see their beauty and to express their beauty and own it is when another hates because they feel inferior seeing someone love themselves it triggers them it shakes their truths they were taught. Enlightment is the process of breaking down truths over and over again, unraveling the layers of life, it never stops. What we thought was truth when we were 10 is very different to a teenager and young adult etc. Currently sexually the body, it is always attached to some time of shame and in turn blockages and fear which leads us to project and hurt others.
If we want women to feel less shamed and see the art and them and other humans to own being a goddess or god and to have good partnerships from each other, we must let each other express their sensuality and discover themselves unapologetically not by a look like porn or a demand, but by the way that makes them feel sexy. It could be movement such as running or yoga. It could be dancing. It could be cooking.
Sexuality comes with senuality and coexist. However without allowing sensuality to speak through learning what makes us alive in life and intimately we cannot feel life and we cannot create an orgasmic life. If women and men are too scared to own their beauty because of shame of their beliefs and society the world of sexuality will always be lost to half hearted experiences, disconnection, shame and porn.
Sex, or at least good sex, requires us to talk about it. You can have all the mechanics down, but if you can’t communicate your desire—if you can’t be vulnerable, release shame—the chances of your fulfilling your wildest desires are slim to none. This is what we hear again and again when we talk to sex therapists: Our inability to talk about sex, the body and our needs in both our daily lives and with our partners, is what holds us back from pleasure.
How does a busy human bring more stillness in their life. Often many of us feel we don’t have time to meditate etc, so how do we become more mindful? We start by asking the right questions to witness ourselves and see the screen of our consciousness. Our thoughts, our emotions, our triggers, our challenges, our joys, our desires, our wants etc
Ask these questions every morning, before you pick up your phone and start your day. Ask them with the intention of no outcome, just a sense of evolution to becoming you with no look, feel or thought of who that you are now or where you will evolve to.
What do I want?
What am I grateful for?
Who wants to know the answer to who am I?
What is my purpose?
What do I want for me and the world?
What the world doesn’t teach us is there are no fixed answers to any question. The only constant to life is change. We all walk around this life thinking we need to know the answers, however answers are revealed and received in time. Because, we need to live the questions to discover and prepare for the answers. Life will deliver you to the answers but not at a designated time. Often what we see looking back is many of the answers we received we were not prepared for them at the time we received them, but if we had not forced it…the answer could have arrived when we could have been prepared for it.
We don’t need to know the answers like society says, we just need to simply ask the right questions and let them go and unravel in the layers of life.
When you dig a well, there’s no sign of water until you reach it, only rocks and dirt to move out of the way. When you have removed enough; the pure water will flow,” said Buddha.
Don’t try to steer the river.
― Deepak Chopra
This is my home you see,
and I will no longer
let it be a place of shame
or a vessel of insecurity
undress me of this skin
and discover the universes
I hold hidden within
When women are allowed and allow themselves to be seen in their way that feels right to them, it creates a new reality. One where all bodies are human, normalized, beautiful and celebrated instead of hated upon.
Many of the oh look at this or look at that becomes wow if she too can be confident so can I. I do not need to perfect I need to be me. We realise that what the media is advertising this one type of body that is beautiful is missing the big picture and limiting as every body is beautiful. It stops also the separation and comparisons of women too. With messages such as real women have x because real women are all women. We see our bodies after pregnancy are beautiful and a miracle of life that created life not something to hide but respect in awe of its capabilities of creating and nurturing life.
We can create a world of acceptance from young to old knowing that all bodies are beautiful, knowing that we do not need to be a certain body type. That normal is the vast spectrum of the female and human form. This can reshape the entire worlds belief system, it can change our children’s futures, it can decrease the hold of the porn, shaming women and bring awareness to help sex trafficking.
It may seem out of the box and may seem radical or too small to make a difference but by allowing women to be seen with love it changes everything how we treat and see women with love instead of fear and in turn all humans.
People think it’s about feeling better straight away. Or getting fit straight away. Or getting that goal straight away.. instant gratification society… But truth is we are trying our best to feel our best to feel better and our recognition is the only recognition that matters. We don’t have anything to prove to anyone. We don’t need to rush the process of finding freedom. But we do need to see that everything that is holding us and our heart tight are just thoughts. They feel like they are in control but they aren’t. What I learnt is once you have held darkness in your soul the world makes you feel like you will never find home here on earth. There is nothing more lonely and debilitating then being here around people but feeling like you don’t belong or cannot relate. However I also learnt no one is alone in this feeling we just all tend to hold it all in and hide behind our masks until we can’t and that breaking looks different for all of us. I ask you to be gentle and compassionate with yourself if you are struggling. Speak to yourself the way you speak to others who are suffering. These thoughts and emotions are controlling you but not in control. Tell them to someone. You deserve to be heard. You are no less than someone you think looks like they have it more together than you, we all are fighting. Open your heart. When you feel closed off to the love around you, remind your heart that it deserves to feel the love it dreams about it. You are loved more than you feel. The biggest gift of darkness I learned is…I had to live through my mess because I must live to tell my story of darkness because darkness shines light back to those who don’t know how to live through their mess, to know they are not alone.
My first review
When I first picked up Brave, Beautiful and Baring it All, by Rhyanna Watson, I instantly judged her; questioning her motives for using naked and semi-naked photos of herself throughout the book, for sharing her experiences with strangers, deriding it, not taking her seriously.
Not listening to what I was reading, I cast it aside.
Luckily, I picked it up again and opened it: page seventy-two, Befriend your inner critic.
I was horrified to realise that I had been hyper critical of Rhyanna Watson, and her book before I had even read it.
What would I say to her if she was standing in front of me, if she was a friend? Would I be so critical of what she had chosen to share with me? Would I scoff at her photos? No, I would not. I would tell her that she is brave and that I wish I had her courage.
I am so glad that I went back to the beginning and, closing my critical eye, read as if she were a dear friend.
The difference was astounding.
I began questioning my inner voice; asking myself the reason behind feelings, reactions and my blind responses to them. And although I know with a certainty full review
As I sit here on my bed in Europe. Thinking of my Island home and where my life started just me in my essence & my first breath Tasmanian air. I guess the one thing I hope my message brings as you read my words and see me here is this… In all honesty, I think there is no specific formula/way to make ones life change for the better and the world doesn’t change for us. We change. The messiness, the hurt, the ache of life never leaves. I believe in the art of suffering well that’s what I call life, we get stronger, wiser, more compassionate and loving in our actions and thoughts. I think what happens is you just get better at not letting the dark in and the chaos control you. We may not be able to control the people that judge us, the people that love us, life’s circumstances but we can control ourselves. We choose to fight for light instead of darkness, love instead of fear, compassion instead of judgment, observation instead of projection. We learn we can control how we move forward, the way we choose to believe that we are worthy of love and what we put in the world. We can choose to see love is enough and what we were given is enough. We can control how we grow from things. We can control how we suffer.
As my book is about to be in stores tomorrow this is my ultimate wish for you and this is what I want you to know: You are not alone. You are of such inestimable value. Whatever difficulties, obstacles or seemingly insurmountable challenges are overwhelming your life force, they are not permanent, the only constant in life is change, there is a way around, and I hope my works and book will help you by connecting you to the divinity, awesomeness, talents and love that has always been inside of you instead of the fear and chaos that this culture and life bestows upon each of us.