When I started Yoga and Why

@supermomtraci asked when I started yoga. I started yoga at 29 but really only the physical posture practice. This was after I had lost one child and had my daughter Laine. I was fighting postnatal depression and thought that moving would create space. However starting yoga really wasn’t until I was 31 in Saudi Arabia after I tried committing suicide. I realised yoga wasn’t a posture, it was my breath and without controlling my breathing my panic attacks, anxiety and depression were going to take or control my life and I would never be a good example for my daughter. So my failure of suicide turned into my greatest gift and my yogas real journey didn’t start till 2 years after societies vision of yoga in physical postures started. I learnt the pain that came to me is not always my choice but keeping it on me is. Yoga taught me to continually forgive and lessen the obsessive thinking related to it. So I could allow my pain to no longer control me. I have stopped trying to live so hard each day to the fullest as each day is full all on its own. All I have to do is notice it. Through my breath I realised it was okay not to be perfect. It was okay to be a sinner and not be ashamed about the things I was or have been. I am here now and I am enough. My definition of a whole life will never be societies. The judgment that is continually passed upon me now I realise is something I need to work on letting go from because it does not change that I am living a whole life full of worth and meaning even if people cannot understand me. I have learnt to love myself for me and that I am still walking and breathing and burning my own path to find the hope, love, acceptance, compassion I need. I am far from perfect, an imperfect soul but yoga made me realise that is still a blessed human to be and I never need myself to fit into the prison of societies definition of perfect or normal. We are all born free and the best thing yoga taught me was not to spend a lifetime becoming a slave to my own false truths.

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